I'm No Hero
by CoffeeHound
Summary: Set approximately seven months after the incident with the fireflies, Joel is attempting to give Ellie the semblance of a normal life in Jackson. She gets to be a little girl, he gets to be a father again. However, events of the past are eating away at Joel, and he knows he can't keep this lie up forever. Rated M for excessive language. Spoilers.
1. The song

I'm no hero.

**This is set several months after the hospital and firefly incident occurred, since we're mostly left to our own devices to believe what happened next, this is just my take on it. This chapter is short, but the following ones will be much longer and further in depth. **

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The piercing scream jostled him awake from on the couch. How long had he dozed off? That didn't matter. Scrambling to his feet and clumsily making his way down the hall, he shouldered the door to Ellie's room open. "Joel?" She whimpered, the sheets a tangle on her bed. The light from the moon barely glittered in through the slates of the window, but he could see her chest rising and falling heavily, sweat beading on her brow. Nightmares. "Oh, baby girl.." His breath soft yet rough, walking over to the bed and sitting down next to her, the young girl's head immediately going to his chest. "It was clickers, clickers and you and...none of the guns had bullets and I couldn't save you no matter how hard I tried and it just kept going over and over and over.." Her voice was a cracking mess, heaving as she tried to get the words out while he stroked her brown hair, shushing her in a soothing voice. "It was just a nightmare, baby girl, just a nightmare." It was something they had to get used to. They both got them a lot these days. Scooting her over some, he sat with his back against the headboard while she stayed close to him.

The home Tommy had given them was a simple two bedroom one. It had a decent sized kitchen, living room, and a small nook for breakfast. The walls, like everything, had experienced their share of pain from the neglect of years passed and looting. There were gun shots in the walls, wall paper had been torn, pieces of the floor were broken, along with oddly stained carpet. Ellie, being the ever so adventurous young girl she was, announced one day at breakfast that she had gone searching for something that would make the home not feel like such a "piss poor whore house." With that, she went into her room and came back with a large painting of a Texas cattle ranch. After the initial yelling of her running off on her own was dangerous, he took a look at the painting. "You've got to be kidding me with this, Ellie."  
"Not all! Look," she sighed, toting the painting to the living room where most of the bullet wounds were. "It can go right here! It'll cover up all this, and it'll make it, I dunno, a little more homey?"  
And so the painting found its new home.

Ellie's sobbing had stopped, her crying had lessened into little sobs until her breathing had evened out. Removing himself and gently setting her head back down on the pillow, he stood up and slowly made his way to the door. Stopping at it, he looked around the room. A lot of the furniture was broken, or damaged in some way. Ellie didn't seem to care, said it gave everything "personality" if it was a little broken. A dresser with several knobs missing, a scratched desk and a desk chair that look surprisingly good. Several posters were tacked up on the walls from when they went to the city to look for food. She couldn't exactly help herself, taking a few records with her every now and then as well. Since they had electricity, it was a nice way to relax after a day. Several pieces of clothing littered her floor, and he couldn't help but be reminded of Sarah. She always had something on her floor. "Goodnight, Ellie." Joel whispered, shutting the door to her room.

His room was on the other end of the hall next to the linen closet, or what would be. Now it shelved guns and ammunition. Joel had managed to fix a lot of the doors, pulling off the planks of wood and fixing the hinges. The windows were some what of a lost cause, and they resorted to putting sheets of tarp over them in the winter to keep the cold out. Opening his door, he crossed the room to his bed and fell into it. Several blankets had been layered to create sheets, which he covered himself with. Putting his arm under his head, he let out a sigh. After everything, it was still hard for him to sleep. No matter how hard he worked in a day, how early he had woken up to guard the perimeter for his turn, it would still take him at least two hours to sleep. Slowly, but surely enough, he fell asleep into a light, fitful sleep.

But at least there wasn't a nightmare tonight.

"Yo, Joel! Wake up!" Making a snorting sound, the older man shot up in his bed.  
"What? Something wrong?" She rolled her eyes some, holding onto the door frame and swinging back and forth. "No, you gotta stop thinking somethings wrong all the time. That's really bad for your health, you know." Using her most sophisticated doctor's voice. "I've got a surprise for you, get some pants on and I'll see you on the porch!" Before he could retort with the fact that he was, indeed, wearing pants she was already gone. _That d__amn girl can't keep still._ He thought to himself, but it was good to see her energetic. He hadn't seen her smile like that since they were with Sam and Henry. Maybe the other kids were rubbing off on her. Getting his jeans on, he slipped the belt through the loops and buckled it, reaching for a red plaid flannel, he buttoned it and went out to the front.

Ellie sat on one of the stools they had in place of actual patio furniture. That was a little harder to come by. "What are you doing, kid?" He asked, crossing his arms and leaning back onto one of his legs. He had kept his promise and taught her the basics on the old, beat up guitar they found. Thankfully, even after all those years, he could tune a guitar by ear. "I told you, this was the surprise."  
"You finally learn that scale I taught ya?"  
"Just shut up, ok?" Pulling out a notebook and handing it to him. "The lyrics are finished but I can't sing. So I just want you to read along, alright? I've worked on this for like a month so you better not laugh at me." Pulling the stool closer to Ellie, he took a look at the page while she started to strum.

The notes were low, soft and a very practiced rhythm. It was obvious that she was nervous, playing it for him, but nothing made his heart stop like the words on that page. He swallowed, reading the lines before looking up to her. Her fingers strummed the strings with fluid ease, though her face had look of sheer determination. Finally, she finished with a final pluck of a string before looking up to him. "It's only about half way finished, but whadya think? I got talent or what?" Giving a small smirk, he looked at the paper again. "Who...Who's this about, Ellie?"  
"Buzz Aldrin. Who the fuck do you think? It's about you," Leaning in some and punching his shoulder. His eyes looked down again, lingering on the title. "Hero of Mine."

"Oh god, you hate it, don't you?"  
"No, no, no. It's just that..nobodies ever done somethin' like this for me. I.. I love it, Ellie." Giving a small chuckle and giving her a small, but genuine smile. "God, don't scare me like that again you doofus." Standing, she rested the guitar against the paneling of the house and punched his shoulder again. "Oh, since it's finally gotten warm, you wanna teach me how to swim? You did promise, after all."

"No need to sound so snooty, I'll teach you after I get done watching the perimeter, okay? I got a five hour shift today. You gonna be able to entertain yourself?"  
"Totally. I entertain myself all the time when I sell drugs to the local youth." Joel responded by giving her a playful shove. "Yeah, I can. I'll probably go see if Edith wants to go skip rocks, and see if she's done with that Savage Starlight issue." Since they got her, Ellie had really bonded with the local kids. There only two others close to her age, the rest being 10 or younger. They had even seen a newborn, something Joel never imagined he would've seen again. "Alright, kid. I'll meet you back her at four, alright?" Turning back towards the house, he aimed to get his hunting rifle.

Something stopped him, though. A pair of arms wrapped around his mid section, and he felt something press against his back. "Have a good day, alright?" It wasn't the first time she had hugged him, but he was still just as baffled on what to do when she did. The first time it happened, she let go and looked up and said, "you know, hugs are supposed to be like a mutual thing, it's just weird if you don't." Though she never gave him the chance again, only hugging him from behind now.

Turning his head back some, he nodded. "You too," with that, the young girl released her grip, turned on her heels and leaped off the porch to the dusty road and took off down it. He smiled some and shook his head, entering the home and going to the closet. Pulling out the hunting rifle, he grabbed a box of shells and placed him in his pocket. Closing the door, he leaned forward, resting his head on it.

Ellie got that song wrong. It shouldn't have been about him. After everything he'd done, he was the last person anyone should have called a hero. He felt something inside of him. A sting of regret was starting to fester in his belly. He had lied to Ellie. This entire life they were living was built on lies. But, if she didn't know, it wasn't hurting anybody. She was happy. For the first time in a long time, Joel knew had finally done something right. He kept someone safe. Alive. Fed. Clothed. Above all else, Joel had made someone happy.

Even if that happiness was a facade, he was going to keep it going as long as he possibly could.

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**AN: Sorry if that was awful to read, I promise the following ones are going to be a lot better, this is just me getting back to my writing roots. Be sure to tell me what you thought! .u.**


	2. Summer Bummin'

Summer Bummin'

**AN: Thanks for the wonderful reviews, guys! I hope you like the second part! I've decided there's going to be maybe one or two more chapters to this story, but those may be a little delayed becaues I'm heading back to college soon. Either way, enjoy! Don't forget to tell me what you think!**

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Patrolling was typically the worst time for Joel. The town was heavily guarded, especially with the fence going. They hadn't seen an infected in weeks, and the last bandit attack was about two months. It seemed like people were starting to learn, and they even had a new family come into town about a week ago. A lot of the men and women found it to just be a little inconvenience, time away from family or chores to sit in a tower or walk along the fence. Since he was such a sharp shot, Joel got his very own little nest. A northern set up, facing the woods. While he kept a vigilant eye, his mind had a tendency to wander. From the day he lost Sarah to the day he shot Marlene point blank in the face. Everything replayed in his mind, and he often found other ways he could have done things and prevented less bloodshed. He could have let Marlene live, he could have. The fireflies were a dying breed, everyone knew that. Plus, Joel highly doubted Marlene could have convinced the others that there was an immune girl. But he was selfish.

Ellie's immunity was still unknown to everyone but Tommy, Maria, and Joel. The girl wanted to tell everyone that she was immune, but Joel said no. Insisted that it was too dangerous, though the most medical person they had was a fifty something year old nurse. Certainly no one that was going to go cutting Ellie's head open, but he told her it was for the best. She shrugged, but agreed.

A soft breeze made him look to the window, leaning on the side of the metal paneling and taking in a deep breath of fresh air. It smelled like sweets. One of the more enthusiastic bakers of the town decided that whenever they had enough supplies, they would bake one or so pies for the children. It didn't happen very often, and Joel remembered the first time Ellie got a bite of it.

_Two months in this place, and things were only okay. Ellie was still a little quiet after the things that had happened, but she was slowly returning to her sarcastic, normal self. It had been a hard day, a pack of infected had overpowered the east fence, making it give. All the adults had grabbed a gun, and though Joel told her stay back, Ellie grabbed her trusty pistol and took out a few herself. "Ellie, dammit, you can't go around doin' that." He sighed, rubbing his temples.  
"Joel, can you not do this now?" Groaning, looking up at the ceiling. Ellie was sunk into the couch with a grimace on her face while Joel leaned in the door way looking at her. "No, we've gotta talk about this. You can't just go chargin' into those situations." _

"_Look, when are you going to learn that I can handle myself?"_

"_When you start acting like someone who knows what the hell they're doin'." A loud groan came from her instead. Suddenly, there was a soft series of knocks on the door. "Who on earth," Joel mumbled._

"_Maybe it's social services here to take me away." Instead of saying something, he only gave her a look._

_ Standing on their porch was Carolyn, one of the older women in the town. "Oh, Joel. How are you and Ellie? I know you two helped today."_

"_Oh, uh, we're fine. Thanks."_

"_Well, I know you two are still new to town and it completely slipped my mind, but here." He hadn't even noticed, but she was holding something. Looking down, there was a golden skinned pie sitting in its small tin bed. "Earl, my husband, is the chef behind these pies, I just deliver. He makes one for everyone who lives here." The gray hair woman smiled. "Please, take it." Blinking a few times, he gently took the pie from her hands and held it.  
"Uhm, thanks. I'm sure Ellie will really enjoy this." Carolyn smiled a little more.  
"I'm sure she will, you two have a blessed day, you hear?"_

"_You too, miss Carolyn." Shutting the door, he turned around, nearly shoving the pie in Ellie's face._

"_Jesus christ," he breathed sharply as she took the tin from him._

"_What is this?"_

"_Pie."_

"_Pie?"_

"_Yes."_

_ Setting it on the small table, she looked at it and then him. "So, what is it?"_

"_It's a dessert, people made these all the time before the infection, I guess it's harder to do now since stuff is short demand." _

"_Why'd you seem so hesitant about taking it from her? You think Miss Carolyn would try and kill us?" He gave a small scoff.  
"No, I do not think that, Ellie."_

"_Well, can I eat it? I've never had it before." The middle aged man was about to say something, instead, he sighed and went to the kitchen, coming back with a fork for her. "There." _

_ Positioning the fork like it was the main piece in a covert operation, she punctured the crisp outside of the pie and pulled up a piece. The inside was blue and gooey looking. "Blueberry." He said simply when she looked at him. Opening her mouth, Ellie placed the pie in and closed, chewing a little before setting down the fork and looking at him. "What, too-" the young woman raised a hand to silence him, chewing a little more._

_ "This is the single most delicious fucking thing I have ever had the pleasure of eating. It's like my mouth just had a fucking blueberry orgasm." Swallowing, Joel shook his head._

"_Don't talk like that,"_

"_You know since we've moved here, you've got a stick up your butt with how I talk. You need pie." Taking another forkful, she extended her arm up for him to eat it. "C'mon, cut it out." Raising his hand defensively, and moving it to block wherever she moved the fork. "So help me if you do not eat this pie, I will stab you."_

_ Since dying over pie wasn't something he wanted, he agreed. Opening his mouth and allowing her to feed him. "Choo choo." Ellie quipped as he took the bite._

"_Don't push yer luck, kid." _

"_No talking with your mouth full." He would admit, it was some pretty damn good pie. He watched Ellie take a few more bites before slowing and eventually push the pie away. "Stomach hurting there, kid?" _

"_No I just...lost my appetite." Pursing her lips and making a face, she stood up and pushed the pie towards Joel. "You can go ahead and eat the rest of it, I'm just gonna..go lay down." He was a little surprised at the way she was acting, but nodded. "Well ok, lemme know if you need anything." She was already walking and merely raised her hand as acknowledgment. He stared at the pie for a moment before sighing and looking at the ceiling. "Goddamn blueberries." It was Sam. That's what this reminded her of. Her and Sam ate blueberries together when they first met, and she was probably thinking how much he would've enjoyed this. All of this. Standing up, he headed for her room but stopped short, peering through the crack in the door. _

_ Ellie was laying in the bed with a toy robot in her arms outstretched above her head. She never got rid of it. Silently, he only watched her as she sat up, opened her nighstand drawer and dropped it in, wiping her eye with her sleeve._

_ He never told her he saw this._

Realizing that he had let his mind wander, he turned back to the treeline. Nothing but the steady movement of leaves, and the every once in a while rabbit. That reminded him, they would be checking the traps tonight. "Aye, Joel! You just gonna stay up there all day? I mean, that's fine with me!" Looking down, Erwin was standing at the bottom.

"I'm coming down, don't worry." Calling back, he slung the gun over his back and started the climb down the stairs and stood in front of him. Erwin was dark skinned, had a shaved head and stood about three inches taller than Joel. Honestly, he was probably the best shooter in the camp. "Ah, I thought I was gonna have the day off today." Smirking and revealing a crooked smile.

"Yeah well, responsibilities, you know?"

"I hear ya man, I hear ya." Though Erwin had a wife and two kids, he knew the pressure more.

Heading back to the house, he saw Ellie sitting on the porch half way down the road. Once she saw him, she smiled and waved, which he returned. Standing at the front of the porch, she followed him inside asking a multitude of questions. "What did people wear when they swam, did they do it often? Edith said it was a sport, like a really big deal, was it? Did people really get famous for splashing around in water? Will it be cold, should I wear pants?"

"Slow down, slow down. You're goin' a thousand miles an hour." Turning around to her, he couldn't help but give a little smile.

"It did used to be a sport, people would race and win medals for that sorta thing, there were a few famous swimmers, and no, you don't wear pants, even if it's a little cold. Wear shorts and a tank top." Since swim wear hadn't been a priority when they were out.

"Are you gonna wear shorts and a tank top?"

"Yes."

"Really?"  
"No. Now go get dressed." The brown haired girl smacked her lips and rolled her eyes.

"I should expect your sarcasm by now."

Since the town was close to a hydroelectric dam, finding a place to swim wasn't exactly hard. He managed to find a place that was deep enough and didn't have a strong current."First things first, you gotta learn to float."

"You're teaching me to be a log?"

"Do you wanna learn or not?"

"Okay, sorry, go ahead." Floating was actually something Ellie caught quite quickly, and removed a lot of trouble. He remembered that Sarah sank like a rock.

"Okay, now what you're gonna do is: get in the water, don't panic, spread your arms like a butter fly and kick your legs, but not like you're kicking someone in the face." Wading forward into the water until it was up to his chest, he held out his hands. "Now, try and swim to me, and I'll grab your hands. We'll work on your kicks first."

The first several attempts were terrible, and that's being nice. Finally, Joel stepped closer and took her hands in his. "Okay, now let's try this. I'm gonna pull, and you kick, okay?"

"Okay." Slowly pulling her into the deeper water, while she kicked her legs about. Making several laps, he stopped. "Okay, now we're gonna move onto strokes." Moving to the shallows again, he bent down and started moving his arms. "It's not that hard, go on, give it a shot." Immulating him, she actually managed to do it pretty well. After they practiced for about another thirty minutes of strokes and kicks, he stood up. "You ready to try?" Nodding, she moved into deeper water.

"Now, I'm gonna hold your stomach, just in case, okay?"

"Gotcha. Don't let me drown, you know that would suck after everything we've been through." He looked at her for a minute and blinked. "Sorry..that sounded more morbid than it should have been."  
"It's fine." He grunted. Placing his hands parallel on Ellie's stomach, they slowly began to coast. Bringing an arm at a time over her head and kicking her legs, she was doing it. Backing away from her, he stood with his arms crossed while she swam on. "Okay, c'mon back!" The girl stopped and turned back, which was a bad idea.

Seeing Joel all the way back obviously shocked her, making her stop movement and sank. The next thing that happened was a flurry of splashing movements. Making his way over to her quickly, he pulled her up. "Alright, we gotta work on your turning and realization skills."

"Yeah, no shit. Can we stop? I didn't know swimming took so much outta you." Agreeing they had been at it for a while, they waded over to the bank and sat down, Ellie keeping her feet in the water while Joel sat crossed legged. "So, how'd I do for the first time?"  
"Other than lookin' like an epileptic flamingo, I'd say you did pretty good. Just need a little more confidence, that's all." The teenager snorted a little, rolling her eyes at his comment before looking down at her arm. She hadn't worn anything that had shown her arms in a very long time. He watched as she slowly placed her fingers on it and rubbed over the raised parts of skin. There was a scar there underneath the bubbled flesh, identifiable teeth marks, no doubt. Sighing a little, she spoke. "I wish we could just tell everyone. I mean, we've been here for more than half a year, and nobodies gotten sick from me, they would know that I can't infect anyone." Joel simply shook his head.

"We've been over this, it's too dangerous. Somebody will think that you're dangerous when you ain't, or they'll try and find someone who can hurt you." He swallowed. He wasn't sure if Ellie had completely come to terms with what he had told her about the fireflies and the cure. A small groan passed her lips as she pulled her knees in to her chest. Wrapping her arms around them, she rested her chin atop her knees. "Hey, Joel?"

"Yeah?"

"I know we don't talk about it but," her voice trailed off before breathing in again and speaking. "Was Marlene there?"

Joel's heart stopped. He looked out to the water and watched the small current lazily push against the bank. He knew he had to answer, otherwise she would start getting suspicious. "Yeah. Yeah, she was there."

"Did she say anything? About me?"

"She said that she was sorry for makin' you go on a wild goose chase. They, uh, fixed you up after you got knocked out in the water, gave you some sedatives for the pain, that's why you don't remember anythin'." Lying blinding through his teeth was now a skill that he had learned to embrace, and he was getting better at each time.

He hated himself for it.

"Oh. She didn't like, give me a message or anything?" Disappointment was evident in her voice.

"She said for you to be good, don't pick fights you can't win and watch your mouth." He smiled as he saw her shake her head, but he could see the small smile on her pink lips. "Sounds like her." Standing and brushing the dirt off of herself, she extended her hand out to him. "I know your joints are getting rusty, old man." Pushing her hand away, he stood up and replied:  
"Yeah? Well, this old man can still beat you,"  
"You know what? You're getting a lot more fun to be around." Reaching back down, she picked up her thin jacket and slipped her arms through the sleeves. "Ready to head back?" She nodded, yawning some and following him back up the hillside to the town. While the air around them silent, he decided he may as well start up a conversation.

"So, who's this boy I've seen you runnin' around with?"  
"What are you talking about?"  
"Skinny thing, got dark hair and tannish skin. I've seen you and him skipping rocks with Edith and someone else, but the only thing is, you ain't ever mentioned him." She looked down at the ground to avoid Joel seeing her pinking cheeks.

"He's just a friend, okay? He's one of the only kids in town close to my age and it's just nice to have someone who isn't a girl to talk to."

"Mhmm. Well, you just tell him if he tries to do anything, I'll actually hold up that promise of a shotgun and six foot deep grave."

"Joel!" Punching him a little harder than normal, she couldn't help but laugh at his reaction.

When they got back home and changed into different clothes, Joel started fixing dinner. Turning around, he saw Ellie sheepishly standing there. "What's up, baby girl?"  
"Uhm. That thing you were saying earlier, about Mitch."

"Who?"  
"That boy you said was skinny."  
"Oh, what about him?" Stirring a pot of beans on the stove, he shook a little pepper into it and raised the spoon to taste it. "Well, how do you know when a boy wants to have sex with you?"

Joel about damn near swallowed the spoon.

Hacking furiously while Ellie laughed her ass off, he leaned against the counter, catching his breath. "I'm just fucking with you, oh man." Trying to get the words out between bursts of laughter.

"Not...funny.." Finally catching his breath and looking at her.

"Whatever you say." Waving her hand and returning back to her room.

That night, they had rabbit and beans. Idle chatter at dinner was the norm, with Ellie teasing him about how easy he was to fool, and Joel shaking his head at the way she acted. After they ate and cleaned up, Joel picked up the guitar and played an old country song that he refused to give the infected girl the name of. "I gotta punish you for that stunt you pulled earlier." Crossing her arms and pouting was obviously getting her nowhere, so she curled on the couch and listened to him play. Losing track of time, he played through nearly four songs before realizing she had fallen asleep right in front of him. Setting the worn out guitar down, he leaned over and picked her up. "Oh, I'm getting too old for this or you're getting too heavy." Adjusting her legs, he carried her to the bed room and set her down in the blankets, covering her up with two of them.

Leaning down, he kissed her forehead. "Goodnight, baby girl." Turning around the leave, he saw her eyes open a little. A sleepy eyed girl looked at him, yawning a little before speaking. Her voice was lighter than it normally was, giving it a different level of innocence that wasn't akin to Ellie's personality.

"Goodnight, dad." Her eyes fell back shut, and she turned onto her side.

He didn't sleep that night, and when he finally managed to shut his eyes, there were only nightmares.


	3. Chapter 3

Fine Lines

**AN: Thank you again for your wonderful reviews, everyone! It means a lot that so many of you like it, honestly! I'm sorry I haven't updated in so long, college has been hectic. Anwayay, Enjoy this chapter. I'll let you guys decide if I should end it here. (Also, I reworked the ending a little.)**

Throughout the remaining weeks of Summer, Ellie perfected her ability to swim. Happily, she could splash around without the need for Joel to pull her around like a tugboat in the cold waters of the lake, and was quite content with doing her dead man float and relaxing in the shallows. It seemed to be something she really enjoyed. Though she knew she couldn't exactly swim with her friends at first, she had found a way around that with tearing an old shirt apart and tying it around the space where the bubbled flesh was. If anybody asked, she would say it was a nasty scar that she really didn't like. As the Summer began to dwindle and the sun retreated to its home beneath the skyline at earlier times, something rather unexpected happened one day while they were out hunting.

"Shh, shh. Do you hear that?" Ellie quickly quieted her older companion, stopping in her tracks as listened for the sound she heard. "What? I don't hear noth-"  
"That's because you're talking!" She hissed back, sharply. Sighing, he merely stopped talking about focused his hearing to try and hear what she did. Sure enough, he heard it. A faint, pathetic whimpering sound was coming from the stream. "Down there," Joel pointed to a patch of rocks down by the bank, a small outstretched rock resembling a small cliff stuck out. Moving quickly, Ellie put her bow over her back and hurried forward. "Careful, careful! It could be something dangerous," heading Joel's words with no care, she immediately dropped down beside the rock and looked. "Oh my god!" Were her next words, high pitched and slightly excited. "Ellie?" Concerned, he quickly followed her. Her back was to him, obviously she was holding something in her arms. "What'd you find?" A bit more worried than anything.

Turning to face him, a single thought crossed through his mind. _Awh, shit._

In the young girl's arms was a puppy, and couldn't have been more than five months, but it was so small and scared looking. It was mostly white with a large reddish orange patch on its eyes, the color also speckled on its ears. It's bright, honey colored eyes looked around with fear, whimpering softly at the stranger that held it, and the tall one in front of her. "Hey, hey, it's okay. You're safe now, I've got you," speaking soothingly to the dog, Ellie held it closer and the whining seemed to cease. The girl's big, brown eyes turned to him. "We can't keep it,"

"Why not!?" She barked, her voice raising as she held it closer.

"Because, it ain't fixed and puppies take a lot of time and dedication."  
"You saying I'm not dedicated?" Her eye brow raised, her lip curling some.

"No, Ellie. I ain't sayin' that, I'm just sayin' it's gonna be a lot of work."  
"Well, we can't just leave it out here!'

The male looked around. There wasn't a female dog to be seen, and there wasn't any other sounds of more dogs. "Come on, Joel. Think of how much company he would keep you in your lonely nights,"

"Oh no, this ain't gonna be my dog. Ellie, you really want him?" Holding the dog carefully in her arms, she stood erect and looked Joel right in the eyes. "Yes,"

"Then fine, he's yours. But you're gonna be the one to train it in every aspect you want, or need." A genuine spark of pure happiness sparked in her eyes, a bright smile spreading across her chapped lips. "Hell yeah! Hear that? You've got a home now!" Holding the dog out in front of her and smiling while it tilted its head confused. "Uh, what is it, anyway?" She peered around the dog and at Joel.

"It's a boy,"

"Well, at least we ain't gotta worry about any puppies around us," he chuckled. "Go ahead and head on back, I'll go check the traps without you guys."

She nodded her head, unzipping her jacket and putting the dog inside. "There, that'll keep you warm." Watching her walk off, he thought about how bad the puppy must've smelled. He shrugged, and went off to look to see if they had caught any rabbits this time.

"Let's see..." Ellie mumbled to herself, sitting cross legged on the floor with the puppy in front of her, one of her blankets draped on his small body. "I gotta call you something, but what name would fit you best?" The girl sprawled out on her belly, propping her chin up on her hands and making a face. "Hmm..maybe, Sparky?" The dog made a small grunting noise and then sneezed. "Yeah, I think you're right, too generic." Ellie had been trying to think of names for at least half an hour. Just when she was about to open her mouth to speak again, Joel opened the door and stepped in. "Gettin' colder, you may wanna break out some extra blankets tonight."

"Hey, what do you think about the name 'Bullet'?"

"What? Oh no. This may be your dog, but you ain't gonna name him."

"What, why?"  
"Remember Callus?"  
Letting her head drop to the floor she groaned. "That was a good name!" The unnamed puppy had stretched out onto his belly as well, nipping at her hair. "Well, what you name him?" Picking her head up and lifting the puppy up. Joel paused for a moment as he slid off his brown leather jacket. "Destin."

"Destin?"  
"Yeah, Destin. That's what I pick." Ellie looked over to the man and then back to the dog and tilted her head. "Yeah, I like it. From this day on, you shall be named, Destin." Standing up, she strode over to Joel with the puppy hot on her heels. "So, any rabbits today?"

"A couple, dropped 'em off at Tommy's. Maria said she was sure happy to see them, she's been craving rabbit lately."

"You know, it's like we're some weird extended family." Picking at some of the wall paper, Ellie noticed how Joel stiffened a little as he leaned on the kitchen counter, just before he turned on the faucet. "What're you talkin' about?" Her shoulders shrugged a little.

"Tommy and Maria are the fussy married couple, you're the single dad raising a kid and now we've got a dog. It sounds like one of those sitcoms you told me about, you know, before everything went to shit." Her voice softened toward the end of the sentence. She noticed that whenever she mentioned the word 'dad' or 'family', Joel seemed seem a little more robotic and wanted to change the conversation as soon as he could. "You, uh, got any ideas on how you're gonna train him?"  
Deflecting. She should have known.

"Uhm, yeah. Edith's dad likes to collect a lot of books, I'll see if they have any about training, if not I'll just figure something out." Rocking on her heels, she hit her hands together. The air was starting to get a little tense. "I'll, uh, take Destin out. In case he has to go." Opening the door and stepping out, the dog clumsily followed.

The air outside was chilly, Joel wasn't kidding about it getting colder. It was getting to be the middle of November, and while they had their cold days, it was starting to get worse. Hardly anybody came outside these days, and if they did, it was either check their traps or try and hunt. Most of the food they got was taken to Tommy, and he divided it up amongst everyone in the town. The older people in town who couldn't do much kept farms in the spring and summer, and then canned foods in old mason jars that the scavenger teams brought back. All in all, it wasn't a bad set up, but winter was always a strenuous time, even when they weren't in the town. Joel had told Ellie about the winter after the infection started. It was even worse.

Ellie sighed, kicking up some of the hard dirt with the tip of her shoe while the dog followed close to her. "I guess you were just waiting for someone to find you, huh?" He was incredibly friendly for a dog that had been on its own. "I wonder where your mom is." There was a small bark in return, and she shrugged her shoulders. "I get it, sensitive topic."

She walked all over the town and a little into the tree line, when the sun had sank enough for lights in the homes to come on, she started to make her trek back. However, she noticed her friend was starting to slow his step. "Hey, this walk was supposed to be for you." He panted in return, and sat on the cold ground instead. "Oh, come on." Bending over and getting her hands around his thin belly, she hoisted him up and cradled him in her arms, earning a loving lick from him. "Eww, dog spit." Giving a small chuckle, she carried it all the way back to their home. By the time she got back, Joel had fallen asleep on the sofa that was equally as tired looking as him. Instead of waking him up, she put the puppy down and got a blanket from Joel's room and draped it over him. Ushering the dog to her room, she helped him up and kicked off her shoes, crawling underneath the blankets next to him, and falling asleep.

Over the next three weeks, Destin gained weight and the days grew even shorter. It became too cold to even leave the house most days, and Ellie was content with staying in and playing with the puppy or watching old movies that Joel had borrowed on the small TV in the living room. Joel, on the other hand, spent the time reading architecture books that he borrowed from Edith's dad. It seemed like there wasn't a book that man didn't have. Edith said that whenever they went somewhere, he grabbed at least three or so books, claiming that books were a key to the future. He normally only grabbed ones that were informative, which is why he had so many on gardening, cooking, and other things.

One day, when it was above freezing, Joel came into Ellie's room and looked at her. "Ellie?"  
"Ah, he speaks." Not looking up from her _Savage Starlight_, she had to have read it about a dozen times by now. "Look, I..I gotta tell you something." Ellie looked over to him, his eyes were staring at the floor. "What is it?" Her voice raised a little, slowly setting down the comic and swinging her legs over the bed. "We should go for a walk, get your coat. Just you and me."

"Joel?" Hoping off the bed and slipping her shoes on, Destin followed curiously. "What are you talking about?"

"Just, c'mon."

The sky above was gray and low, hugging the treeline it seemed. She had outgrown her coat from the previous winter and instead had a thick leather one like Joel with a blue plaid lining. The silence was tense between them, and Ellie could see a strange look in his eyes when she glanced up to him. She didn't dare speak, feeling that it wasn't the right time. When they got to the outskirts of town, near the frozen river where she learned to swim, he opened his mouth. "I've had something to tell you for months, Ellie."

Joel took a hard swallow, looking down at the girl who was standing next to him. "What is it?" Her voice was aired with concern, and she took a step back from him. "I lied." There silence again, nothing but the wind that was starting to blow was heard.

"About beating up that guy, right?" She adverted her eyes, looking down at her fingers as she messed with the nails.

"No, Ellie. I lied about the cure." Ellie's eyes widened, looking down at the ground before swallowing hard and taking an uneasy step back.

"I know...I was hoping you would take the hint and shut up, and not say it."

"You knew?"

"Joel, of course I knew. God, I woke up half way through when you were running through that place, I heard them talking before I was out all the way. I wanted them to do it, Joel. I wanted them to kill me. I gave consent for them too,"  
"No, no you didn't Ellie. You don't know, it could've not worked and you'd have sacrified everythin' for nothin."

"Yeah, well, at least I would've tried!" Her voice raised, looking at the ground. "I knew you lied, I wanted you to tell me sooner, but you never did. Why did you do all that, why couldn't you have just let them at least try for a cure?"  
"Because I couldn't lose you, after everything we'd been through. I couldn't let them just take you," his voice had fallen to a whisper, choking out just like they had when his daughter died.

"I'm not Sarah, Joel. I know you want me to be her and that's why you're acting like a dad and stuff, and I appreciate it, but..." She swallowed, looking down again.

"I want you to take me to the fireflies, Joel. I want you to take me back to that hospital, tell them you made a mistake or, shit, just drop me off at the hospital doors."  
"Ellie, I can't."  
"Yes you can! Stop being so fucking selfish, Joel!" The young woman's voice cracked as the wind started to kick up, the dark gray sky starting to sprinkle out little bits of snow that caught on her hair.

"No, Ellie I _can't._ Even if I wanted to, I _couldn't._" Her put emphasis on several words, looking up to her and seeing her eyes fill with confusion before realization took hold. "What did you do?"

"How much do you remember?"  
"What did you do, did you do something to them? Did you do something to Marlene!?" That struck the chord. His eyes dropped, and Ellie took a step back. "You killed her, didn't you?"  
"I just wanted to give you a normal life, I didn't want them comin' after you again."  
"You think this is a normal fucking life, Joel!? We ration our food, we patrol the fucking _fenced_ in perimter of this town, we have to fend off scavengers and infected that wander too close! The closest thing to fucking _normal_ we've gotten here is the dog and my friends. There's nothing normal about this life, Joel! I could've given everyone a normal fucking life!"

"You don't know that!"  
"We could've tried, but now we'll never fucking know! Maria's baby is gonna be born into this fucked up world, just like I was, but I could've changed that, but I can't because you're a selfish piece of shit!" He didn't expect her to bring Maria's pregnancy into this. It was true, though. Tommy was excited, but not as much as a father should have been. Especially with her being so close to delivering in this weather. "But no, all you wanted to do was try and save the memory of your precious fucking daughter!"

"Don't you dare bring Sarah into this!" Her words were hitting all the right places, stinging his heart and making him grit his teeth. He couldn't let this happen.

"Why? That's the only reason you even fucking stuck around, you bring her up enough!" Her face red, snot dribbling from her nose from either the tears or the weather was unclear. He took a step forward but stopped immediately when saw the pistol she held in her shaking hands. "Don't take another step, Joel."  
"Ellie.."  
"I'm going to find the fireflies again, and I'm giving myself up."

"You don't know where they are, they're probably scattered," he took a step forward, heard the gun cock. "There probably ain't even anymore of them, it's been _months_ since we were there."  
"Then I'll track them down," the snow was starting to fall harder now on them. "I'm going to right the wrong you did, and then my life can mean something."

"It means something now, Ellie. You mean something to me, to Tommy, Maria, all your friends." A tear slid down his weathered cheek, his hands still outstretched to her.

"It'd mean more if my life meant they could go outside without having to worry about getting attacked or eaten, or worry about eating."

"Ellie, just put down the gun."

The young woman allowed the gun to drop a little, contemplating something before raising it back up. "No," taking it a deep breath, she lifted it back and aimed it at him. His features changed to horror as the girl took aim on him. "I can't let you come after me, I'm sorry. I loved you, Joel." She let out a small scream.

The gun cracked.

The howl of the wind quickly covered any silence.

_Busting in through the front door of their home, she screamed for Destin. The dog trotted forward, confused at why Joel wasn't there. "C'mon, we gotte get outta here." Her voice was shaking, tears welled in her eyes. Grabbing her backpack, she shoved several pairs of clothing into it before running to the kitchen and cramming several boxes and cans of food in. She was thankful that she found this heavy duty backpack on one of their scavenging hunts. Sprinting down the hall, she ripped open the door and grabbed the hunting rifle that rested on the inside of the door. "You're coming with me," she whispered, grabbing it and several boxes of ammunition for both it and the pistol before shoving them inside the pack too. "Come on, we gotta move. We can cover some good ground." Destin looked confused, but he followed his master anyway. Shutting the door to the home tightly, the wind had seemed to die down, and so had the snow Weaving through some of the vacant houses, she reached the treeline in no time. She knew which way they came, and she knew sh_e _could make shelter if she needed it. Her hands still shook with what she had done. Ellie knew she wouldn't be coming back, and she wanted to make this town a dot in the distance, as well as her memory._


End file.
